Sunday 5 December 2021

To blog, or not to blog

Where have I been?  

Life has taken some crazy turns over the last few years.  Move to Scotland make the over 500 mile journey to see my family.  Up down, up down.

Trying to settle.  Trying to grow things in a very inhospitable garden, one of my joys, growing anything gives you a real boost.

Then covid happened and I had to close my businesses, I wont go into details but as I hadnt been in business long enough the Scottish government didnt help us.  Where as in England people were given £10k, I got nothing.  As my business was also my new home, I was forced to sell it in the middle of a pandemic.  Trying to buy a house from 500 miles away, with Covid restrictions took its toll on me and selling in Scotland means you agree a date and that, is, that.  No pulling out at the last moment.

Then at the beginning of December last year, I moved home on my own to help my mum nurse my dad to his death in January.  I am not a nurse.  I am very much not a nurse.  I cant even watch casualty on TV.  And any smells or gore make me vomit.  Yes, I am that weak a person.  

Our house sold the same day it went on the market.  We had an open day, as I was worried about people coming in all the time and touching things due to Covid.  Four London couples were arguing over the house in the front garden.  The estate agent actually said that one of the women was wild, they had missed out on a few houses with closing dates and was furious with the Scottish system.  This lady told everyone in the queue who was looking at the house, "what ever you offer I will out bid you".  Covid has made everyone nuts.  

Que his Lordship slipping on the stone steps and nearly breaking his back.   He had to go to hospital and stay there to stabilise his spine.  He still has a walking stick a year on.  

Following my dad's death we were lucky enough to move into a friends partially renovated double garage.  Trying to see houses in Cornwall, when you live in Scotland was very hard.  Estate agents wouldnt even listen after we told them we had sold in Scotland already, had cash but would need to travel to view the house.  We eventually got around this by sending my cousin who looks exactly like me to view the properties whilst having us on the iPad watching her walk around the rooms.  Why did it need to be someone who looked like me?  Well, before you were allowed to look you had to send a picture of your passport to show you were British and your bank statement to show you had the money.  

We missed out on a few houses which was disappointing.  We have bought a wreck of a bungalow.  When I say wreck, I mean, it was very close of whether to knock the building down or try to renovate it.  We currently have 3 rooms with no floors as they have been ripped out.  They are completely rotted through and you are lucky to not fall through the floor.  One such room is still like it.  It, being the toilet!  ha ha it is a very small toilet cubicle, where you have to walk into the room with each knee and leg touching the sides.  Its comical in many ways, but as we are struggling to get tradesmen in who arent trying to rip us off, it is also super heart breaking.  It's very stressful.

And then last month my father in law died.  It has been hell.  

My mental health is at an all time low.  I am normally very even and calm with my emotions.  I am now like a paint can that is being heated from the bottom.  Annoy me and I cant keep it all in and the lid comes off.  I have never been like this ever in my life.  It makes you feel very out of control and it is not a good feeling.  

I dont say this for violins or for the "oh I am sorry".  I am not sorry, grief is a strange thing, my dad was an amazing person.  If I felt nothing that would mean I didnt love people enough.  So if you are reading this and you have lost someone.  It doesnt matter if it was yesterday or forty years ago.  Your feelings are valid.  

I have just started grief counselling over the phone.  I have no idea how it will all go, but you have to try dont you.  If you watch the you tube, the best bit is from 4 minutes 30.

Lets not all be woe is me.  If you are reading this, leave me a comment with something lovely in it or tell me about a present you would like.  Lets have something nice for today.


John Going Gently said...

Bloody hell
That’s a full on year or so
I will try and stop moaning about my ailments xxx

Sol said...

Hey John, everyones problems are completely personal to that individual and to you, it is hard to carry on when you dont feel well. Life can be pretty overwhelming cant it

local alien said...

Wow Sol, that's a lot to get through.Thank goodness you've got a place, with a roof? and a loo back in Cornwall where the sun shines and your garden grows.
The rains have begun here and the greening has begun . I love the oxalis and nasturtiums. So refreshing after months of brown dust.
How's the new garden?
Thank you so much for the update. I often wondered what was happening to you.
Loads of love

Sol said...

Hey Linda, thank you for commenting. The garden is crazy. My FIL would wander about the garden before he died constantly repeating "Its all so green, I have never seen a garden with so much green!". The Garden has been an eye opener. We started to cut the brambles all back and it has revealed that the garden is huge and we didnt know it. I hope you are all well over there in Greece.

gz said...

Things come one after another don't they.
You may have a wreck of a house, but it's yours, with a garden full of potential in a place where things grow far more easily than Scotland!!
You have to take it all one day at a time, one small step at a time, and see the positive even in small things.
Sending a big virtual hug ((0))

Sol said...

Hi gz, its been a lot. We will just keep going. Where we lived in Scotland it was very exposed and nothing grew well. Only trees that were planted at 3 years plus old. The soil was very poor. I am still cutting the grass here!

northsider said...

Sorry to read your sad news and your struggles in Scotland. Hope next year is a great one for you both. Great to see you posting again on here.

Sol said...

Hey Dave hope you are well. Life sure is crazy

Meanqueen said...

I feel drained just reading that. You have managed to steer your way through the mess, hopefully there are some good times coming your way. Best foot forward.

Sol said...

Hi Meanqueen, I am sure there are people who have had worse. I forgot to say in April an Asda truck side swiped me near Manchester on one of these smart motorways. no hard shoulder and cars were coming straight at me! its been nuts